by Gray Graham
It’s that time of year when the holidays roll around and people start thinking about spending time with their families. They look around and see couples cuddling; drinking hot chocolate and ice skating. They see parents shopping for toys and planning Christmas morning for their children. Single people start to feel lonely and start to think about finding that special person to share their life and start a family of their own. For most people that means a marriage is somewhere in their future.
If you have been reading Grandposts or following me for the past couple of decades you probably have noticed something, I talk about relationships and marriage a lot. By a lot I mean, pretty much all the time. When we first started Grandposts, marriage was the topic our readers and followers brought up the most. People wanted to get married but they didn’t know how to find a spouse or more importantly how to be a spouse. Some things have changed since those ancient times. There are people today that will believe in Santa Claus before they believe in a happily married couple.
Today when I see marriage mentioned on social media, for the most part, I still see the same discussions that I saw 15 years ago but now I also see a some people speaking about marriage with a lot of disdain. For these people marriage is evil and something to be avoided at all costs. For some it would appear marriage has lost a lot of the luster it had in the past. Instead of seeing posts asking “Why won’t he marry me?”, I see “I don’t want to ever get married!!! (again)”. Something has definitely changed in some people’s perception of marriage.
If you are a young person, I am sure seeing posts across social media from people proclaiming how terrible marriage is definitely has an effect on your views of marriage. Very few people want to do something that others are not doing. So if you see a lot of people saying they are never going to get married then some people are going to think I don’t want to get married either. This is the generation where people don’t want to use an Android phone because all their friends have an iPhone and will make fun of them if they don’t have an iPhone too. Very few people are going to be the only friend in their group that wants to be married if everyone else is saying how stupid marriage is.
People get married for a lot of different reasons. There are probably as many reasons people get married as there are people. So when you see a post from someone that hates marriage you probably should ask yourself do we have the same views about life? If you are a traditional devout Christian, Muslim, or Jewish woman that believes strongly in your faith then you probably shouldn’t be taking marriage advice from an atheist man that believes anyone that believes in God is stupid. I'm just saying they may not give you the guidance that you are seeking based on your faith and beliefs.
Now from my observations over the years there are definitely a lot more people that celebrate marriage than I see speak out against it. I would say most people understand that at it’s core today a happy marriage is two people who truly love each other and decide to live their lives together. However for some people this would not be an idea life and that is okay too.
The thing that gets lost in marriage discussions is that each person today is free to make their own choices about how they want to live their lives. If a person doesn’t want to get married then they don’t have to get married. If we are being honest I don’t think the average person cares if you get married or not. Sure your family might care because they care about you and they want you to be loved, protected, and supported, but I doubt the average person cares at all. Sure there are some evil hypocritical people at the moment that are trying to influence and control people’s marriages and lives, but they are evil and dumb and I don’t think that you are evil or dumb.
There are many people that are happily married and have been for years. They love their spouse and can’t imagine life without them. The dynamics of their marriages however probably will be different than your marriage would be because they are different people with different ideas, wants, and desires. Too many people go into marriage for the wrong reasons and the wrong expectations with little to no communication with the other person about their marriage dynamics.
So before you go rejecting the idea of marriage you probably should just focus on living your life today. Unless you come across the right person then marriage shouldn’t even cross your mind. I know for a lot of people that is going to be difficult with people having sexual desires, cohabiting, having children, breaking up then making up, and all the other activities people today engage. Please keep in mind though that the more things you bring to the table, the more you are asking another person to eat. Everyone’s appetite ain’t that big.
So yes Virginia there are happily married people in the world today that love being married. That doesn’t mean that marriage is right for you or that you have to get married. The decision to get married is entirely yours to make. Whatever you decide make sure it is something you want to do and not influenced by what others think. Follow your heart and let that me your guide.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from me to you. God bless you all.
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