by Chris Green
We know this plight of relationships have been in debate for decades now with what appears to be no positive peaceful solution in sight. I am still single myself. Never been married, never had sex yet, thus, for some of you, you may have no desire or reason to read what I have to say off the "expectation for experience". If so, that's cool, you are entitled to that; but what I will say is that when one embraces and honors expectations and demands toward another, I feel that they are digging themselves a hole. That hole is called selfishness.
Both men and women in today's relationships and marriages completely DEVIATE from what the scripture says how we are to live and engage in love relationships. Society has embraced and accepted the poison of selfishness as the go-to attitude to have when it comes to looking for relationships, making relationships, and oh course, the destruction of relationships.
We have strayed away from what the word of GOD clearly says about how to approach relationships and marriages. All one has to do is read the many articles, books, and discussion forum/groups on websites. All one has to do is watch select TV shows, reality shows,movies, and listen to select genres of music. Too many men and women approach relationships based on expectations and demands on what the OTHER gender must do for them.
Our value system has gone from "WE ARE A TEAM" who will win and lose together but remain committed together to; me, myself, and I. My man MUST DO THIS, MUST BE THIS, MUST DO THAT. My woman MUST BE ABLE TO DO THIS, MUST BE ABLE TO DO THAT. My goodness, no wonder relationships tend to be on the endangered species list. So we clearly know the problem. We hear and read about it every week, sometimes more than once a day. We have also heard many solutions, but I have noticed a pattern. The pattern is, viewpoints tend to be one-sided off of complaints; that are stemmed from EXPECTATIONS and DEMANDS. I think it's time to give a solution of going back to listening to GOD and his word.
We first are to be in a committed relationship with GOD. God must be first. When we achieve that, every OTHER relationship, including marriage will not be a struggle or hard work, it will be a blessing and an honor. Reading and listening to the insight of devoted happily married women of GOD, it's perfectly clear that their marriages is based on honor and the one thing that links the devoted christian to the likeness of Jesus, WILLINGNESS TO SERVE. She considers her role as mother and wife an HONORABLE SERVICE. An honor that she took a vow to until death.
This is why devoted christian wives of GOD have very successful marriages with their husband. They don't take or engage in their roles on the thesis of EXPECTATION OR DEMAND. They embrace their required roles on the realm of SERVING which is lead by GOD.
Good wives embrace their roles based on service: nurturing the family, nurturing the kids, re-energizing her man's confidence with her promise to always have her back and following his lead. The willingness to honorably SERVE as the heart, soul, and caretaker of her committed boyfriend/husband and her children. The willingness to SERVE to transform houses into home sweet home. These devoted women of GOD understand by "living the scripture" that being chosen to become a wife with the right devoted man of GOD is an HONOR. Engaging in her roles is NOT taken as an expectation nor a demand, no, it is taken as a honorable willingness to SERVE. For the women of GOD, being able to SERVE as the caregiver, nurturer, and the confidence re-energizer to her man is what brings a woman.....Happiness. And guess where all of this stems from? Reading, studying, and living the word of GOD.
Husbands embrace their role as leaders by service: leading the household, leading his son by giving and guiding him on what he needs to become a good mature man. Protecting his family is SERVICE that is embraced and carried out with honor. Leading his wife by affirming to her that she is his backbone, his best friend, team mate, his partner til death do them part. It is all about willingness to serve with honor. A committed boyfriend or husband's entire concept of manhood and self-esteem is determined on how much and how well his willingness to honorably SERVE his girlfriend/ wife is. The man's honorable part in the stability of the household comes from his willingness to being the leader, the provider, and protector that he WILLINGINGLY EMBRACES. This WILLINGNESS to SERVE is WHAT MAKES A MAN A REAL MAN AND WHAT MAKES A MAN HAPPY. All of which is understood by being committed to GOD.
When both the man and woman are willing to SERVE with honor and allowed to; their shared and mutual happiness will be obvious. You will see it in their behaviors and their attitudes. You will be able to tell that they truly love each other, and that to me is the soul essence of being in love with someone and loving that person WILLINGLY.
Expectations and demands in my view is one of the sole reasons why relationships are so stuck and unstable right now. When men and women understand that their role should be done and upheld based on honored service, lead by GOD and the word, then I feel the plight of relationships could get better. We were designed to not just be co-dependent on each other; we were also designed to serve and honor each other. So it makes no sense to me to continue this blame game one-sidedness. When men are in trouble- women are too. When women are in trouble--Men are in trouble too.
As long as selfishness not only continues, but is embraced and accepted in this worldly society; as long as people continue to sway away from the word of GOD for guidance and maturity in relationships/marriages, and as long as men and women continue to use expectations and demands to poison their desire to fall in love, be in love, give love, and be loved; meaningful healthy love relationships can and will face extinction. Don't believe me, then take a another good look at how relationships are being done and the ramifications such selfishness has caused. Need I say more?