by Oa'Toya James
I have officially ended my search for you, future husband. I tried to look for you. I did. I utilized a lot of time, energy and resources to locate you. But you were nowhere to be found. So, I’m going to call off the search. I got to move on with my life, concentrate on some other things. I haven’t given up hope though; I know you are out there somewhere. I will just wait for you.
That’s the best decision I was ever forced to make in my life. Finding “him” had subconsciously became priority in my life, making its way to the top of my mental “must do” list. It was consuming way too much of my time and energy while lending no positive results. It seemed only logical to pull it from that “must do” list to the “not right now” one. But seeing much clearer now, waiting is not last resort, it’s preferred!
Searching not only requires action, it also involves a lot of emotions. Life is good, until you realize that something is missing. Generally, it starts out with a simple question, “where are my keys?” You start to look in places you believe they should be. If they are not there, you start to get frustrated, or even panic. Now to make things right, to bring about order, before you can move on, you got to find that missing item.
If you are not careful, relationship matters can play out in the same manner. I would never have said that I was missing a man from my life. But I was behaving as such. I started with the questions, “Why is it that I am still single?” Followed by the searching (or dating). Then I found myself stuck. And I didn’t like the feel of that at all. I was doing something wrong and had to figure it out quick before panic started to set in.
Well, the first thing was a major thing. I was not doing what God had called me to do. (Gasp) It isn’t written anywhere that I must (or even will) get married. Yet, I had allowed myself to get caught up on this one aspect of life. It in no way is or should be the most important thing. So, searching was just a distraction keeping me drained in all areas. I didn’t have the time and energy to focus on the projects that God had called me to do. Busy working on the wrong thing was only causing me to remain in the wilderness.
Secondly, as a woman, searching isn’t even in my job description! Adam was already here when God created Eve. She didn’t have to search for him. In fact, the bible says, “When a Man finds a wife, he finds a good thing.” So what am I searching for? God has already worked this thing out. Why am I trying to change the rules? When the time is right, that man will come to find me.
Timing is everything. And me not grasping that concept left me frustrated and disappointed with dating. I can search all I want. But, if God is saying not yet, then that guy will not be found. I am going to keep running into to Mr. Not Right because it’s not time. And it is not an option for me to proceed with Mr. Not Right, trying to change his name to Mr. Almost Right. Because almost doesn’t count. What God has for me is for me, and I want it on His terms. So it works in my favor to wait.
Doesn’t “patiently waiting” sound so nice and easy? You can just picture a person at ease with no place to go and nothing to do. Waiting requires no action, but waiting requires patience. You can patiently do a lot of things as long as you are good on all levels. For instance you can wait behind two people in line at the grocery store. That’s no problem. Unless your feet are hurting, you’re hungry, or you got to use the bathroom. Then waiting even though it’s not that long, becomes unbearable. Not because of the situation, but because of your issues.
To patiently wait, certain needs must be met before you should even consider getting in line for a relationship. We shouldn’t need a man for any of these things: To be happy with our single self, comfortable in our own skin, and have a life of our own on our own. If any of those issues are left unchecked, you will be anxiously waiting. Is he out there yet? …Is that him? ... When is he coming? ... That’s worse than searching! (And that’s another article)
Our minds shouldn’t be focused on the fact we are waiting either. You got to get comfortable and find something to occupy your time. My concern was just that. What to do in the meantime? I had to re-direct my attention to what’s important right now. And that is doing those things that God has called me to do and that I can effectively do as a single woman. That task alone will ensure that I am happy with myself while working to become the best me I can possible be. (Which only adds to my value :) )
So yes, I have ended the search. But, I haven’t given up hope. According to Webster, I am merely staying in place in expectation of something to come. When a man finds a wife... He’s not just aimlessly searching; he’s being led to the wife. If he doesn’t know where I live, he is going to need directions on how to get here. But, if he is using The Ultimate Navigation System, He will tell him exactly which way to go.
I have no idea how long I’m going to be waiting. It may be a couple of weeks, months or even years. In the meantime, I will be about my Father’s business. One thing I know for sure, I don’t want to be out looking for him when he comes looking for me.