by OaToya James
Disclaimer: This article contains my thoughts and opinions based off the way I currently see things. So chill out!
Anybody tired of relationship advice? I know I am! It’s EVERYWHERE and all of it is geared towards women and what we need to do to get a man. So even though I’ve never been one to take someones advice on relationships, I feel like their talking to me too and I don’t want to hear it!
My chart says that I am a 30-year-old single female with no kids. (Gasp) Many people view this as a condition that must be diagnosed and presented with a cure. In their minds, I must be doing something wrong. I must be too picky. I must be crazy. To get to the bottom of it, I get questioned to death. And whenever there are questions there’s going to be someone out there with the answers.
I find it funny that men have all the answers for what we, as women need to do if we want to get a man and keep him. Most of the material that’s written is by men who “know how women operate” thus they have the answers to your singleness. Here is why I find this comical. If you know so much about a woman, then you should also know this: women know what we should do in relationship matters. We also know what we are going to do in those matters. Unfortunately, our emotions (and them darn feelings) will overrule common sense (in most cases). So your suggestion is that she leaves that guy she’s been with for over 7 years because he’s never going to marry her. That is good sound advice. Do you think she is going to run home and do it?
So while I love to hear things from a males point of view, that’s about all I want to hear. When you start telling me how I should handle a situation, I go deaf. I often say, “Don’t tell me how to handle a situation, show me how not to care.” If you can take away my feelings until I need them, I’m good. Wait, here’s a suggestion, instead of telling us what we need to do to get a man, why not tell other men how to get a good woman and keep her. Or if you know so much about us, why not use it to get a woman instead of playing her. Now that would help out A LOT!
I don’t want to hear advice from other single women either. That’s even funnier. I don’t need to explain that do I? You can’t tell me how to get a man when you don’t have proof of how your system works.
I don’t know, maybe I feel that when you look for advice regarding relationships you are somewhat desperate. You’ve tried everything you know to do, so now you have to go outside yourself for answers. And most of the time, when you get that advice, (if you follow it) you are looking for immediate results. When it doesn’t happen, you’re disappointed even frustrated. Because what do you do now?
Being overly anxious doesn’t help any situation. It’s especially true when dating and looking for a potential mate. It can cause you to make rash decisions, settle, or fall into depression. But women are desperate nowadays and that’s why relationship advice is so popular.
While I am anti- advice and see it as a moneymaker and a waste of time (in most cases), I do believe that most of those who offer advice really mean well and truly would like to help. So I’m not bashing you guys. If you feel that’s what you have been called to do, keep it up. I’m not knocking those women out there who need and seek advice on what they should do to get a man either. Certain sources may be helpful for you. If so, that’s great!
But, if you are seeking advice, make sure you have a strong sense of self. That way you won’t fall for and start believing some of the crazy reasons some would have you believe are your issues as to why you are single. While you’re at it, check your sources and the credentials of those who are providing you with tips. Just because they wrote a book on the subject matter, doesn’t make them an expert. (Self- publishing is available and is being used by any and everybody!). And if you are still seeking advice, make sure you are open to hearing what they have to say, even if it requires you doing some changing. If not, don’t waste anybody’s time. (That’s not advice, I’m just saying… )
As for me, no outside help needed. I’m going within. As I believe He ordered my steps, I don’t believe he left anything out. If there is a reason I am 30 years old, single with no kids, there is only one Person who knows why. Whether He discloses or quietly work on me, either way, it will be resolved. In the meantime, I’m not listening to you!