the Savvy Columnist
Greetings and love from your fave online columnist! I hope you all are having a joyous and safe holiday season! Yes, I'm a little late this month with the column, however a sister has been making moves. One thing you can say about The Savvy C is that I'm about my business. With that being said, let me bring to your attention an issue that is ever present within our family and social circles. Individuals that put their mates before their very own children. I'm even going to go there with the signs of mate who really could care less about your children and only do in some cases because you (and your booty) is attached to them. Some folks going in know that you got to take care of some things before you get the thing that you want. This is an unfortunate thing, but the blame is on both sides. As you know, when I write, I come correct. I'm not going to sugarcoat this because I have been through this personally (being the one receiving and the one doing), so for those of you that think I'm out to attack you, get over yourself, it's not that serious. This is a reality.
Ok, scenario, you get a new mate in your life. This person knows that you have children because I'm sure you told them, but how do they respond? I have heard all types of stuff, but once I know that a man has children, as I seek to get to know him, when he is ready, I seek to get to know about his children as well. However, after a few times of conversating, when do you believe that it becomes time for someone to start at least appearing interested in the lives of your children? At least to ask how they are doing? I have talked to fellas and I ask all the time, "hey, how are your children doing?" Now some guys would say, well I don't know you well enough to ask about your children. I'm like really, but you'll talk about sex in the first conversation and that's personal too! People, read in between the lines. And fellas, just because we desire you to show SOME interest in our children DOES NOT mean we want you to be their fathers. OMG. Really? And then once it becomes ok to meet the children, and you've started visiting the house and the children are there, how much do you interact with the children? Or are you all up in significant other's face and completely ignoring the children? Oh, and it gets worse when it's been months since you've been talking to the same person and they still don't act interested in your children. I'm like you know I had kids when you met me, get real. Next.
I've been in situations where I felt like I played second fiddle to my parent's significant others. Not recently thank God, but when I was younger, definitely. But fortunately, they showed some interest in me and later in my own children, so I guess you can say I'm blessed. But some people aren't that fortunate. Some mates will actually request you forsake the needs of your very own children to attend to their needs and their children. How selfish is that? And how crazy is that some people would buy into that. I have seen some people not do anything for their children, not even hardly come around the house because of how their mate feels about their children. Are you serious? Are people that reliant on being with someone that they will send their own children away because of the person they are "in love" with. It is such a painful feeling as a child, to be able to recognize when your parents are doing it. Anyone of you reading this that is doing that to your children need to cut it out and check your mate. Put your foot down before you commit to these people and let them know that your kids come first. That you're not married, and that you're no sucker. Some will say that your kids control you. That is SO not the case, but why would you want someone that asks you to put your own children on the back burner to attend to their needs. They need to be happy and praising God that you feel the way you feel about them! Good indicator of the type of parenting they will give your children.
In our younger parents, this is becoming a norm. You got chicks that will move a dude in right on top of your kids and then tell your kids to be quiet because that sucker is getting annoyed. Stand up for yourself! Come on really! If you not married to him it's enough you shacking up with some dude, just for you to be a poor representation of what a parent should be to their child. They are watching you. They are listening to you. They are noticing your habits. God will hold you accountable. You seen "Daddy's Little girls?" That's real talk. And don't you dare put your children down around him. That's going to cause rebellion.
I'm speaking to you because I've been the victim and the offender in this situation. I thank God for Jesus. It only took me ONE time to get it right though. How many of you are doing this over and over? People need to respect you got children or they need to get lost. Some of you are doing this right now and this is your "chin check." Those children are going to grow up confused, rebellious and feeling a lack of love that will change the course of their life. Don't let someone that could care less about your children break the bond you have with them. Start asking questions early! Start noticing the signs early. Don't wait until later and then look at what your madness has wrought upon your seed. It could become a vicious cycle in your family. God can break all curses. But don't start any either, because it will still have to go full cycle. Disobedience does come at a price.
If you wait on the Lord..and be of good courage..HE will bless you with someone who will love and devote attention and time to your children the way that you do.
Stop the madness people. Love your children. Be mindful of what they see and hear. Keep them close to God.
The Savvy Columnist
Key Signs to Look For (recap)
1- People that question how much you pay in child support and why you pay so much and why you pay extra?
2- If someone ask you why you talk to your child so much?
3- If they do not even ask how your children are doing.
4- They come over to visit you and don't even bother connecting with your children.
(if you know some more, please add, I value your opinion!)