by Gray Graham
Part 5 of our: The Key To A Happy,Loving Marriage series
This one is going to be #realtalk as they say on social media these days, but this is not something new. I hope this is something that you heard your mother say, your father say, your grandmother, and your grandfather say over and over again throughout your life. Unfortunately I know that this is one of those truths that people ignore most of the time to their own regret.
You cannot make someone become your spouse. You can not change a person so that they will become the idea person that you have dreamed of all your life. There is no amount of talking, counseling, Sunday morning services, or wishing that is going to change a person.
We often confuse teaching with inspiration. Inspiration comes from within. This means that until a person makes the decision to be inspired then they will not be inspired. Badgering them everyday is not going to change their behavior although this is exactly what far to many people do when it comes to a marriage.
In the beginning, in many relationships, the two parties were never honest with each other. I have seen many people admit that the other person can ask them whatever they like but they are not going to ever get the truth. So if your potential spouse absolutely hates a core habit or belief that you have, more than likely you will not know it until after you are married. Even when they do inform you of their displeasure they are secretly thinking how they are going to change that aspect of your character.
The classic example we know all too well is the good church lady that gets with a jovial hearted man that is “a little rough around the edges.” He might drink a lot, party with his friends a lot, used to chase women, but he is a dependable hardworking guy. She thinks well if I just keep being good, have some kids, and get him to go to church then he will be a deacon or pastor in no time.
We all know how this plays out the vast majority of the time. That man ain't going to change and that lady is going to be heartbroken and bitter. If instead she would have just left the man alone and let him find his own way then things would have been better even if that meant they they would not be together.
I know a lot of people today like to use the various examples in the Bible of great sinners who turned their life around and sought God. What people are forgetting is that these people sought God of their own free will after they had received a message by a servant of God. That was all that it took then and that is all that it takes now.
People are the way they are for a number of reasons. If there is something they want to change about themselves, they will change it. If they wish to have help changing they will ask for it and will ask often. Until then just pray for them. Just because you think they could make a good husband or wife doesn't mean that is what they will be.